Friday, 27 September 2013

Lying to be perfect.

Why does the way we see ourselves always differ from the way others see us? As women, our self perception is so inaccurate that we fail to see ourselves for who we really are. 
Just the other day I watched a film called "Lying to be perfect". It was about an overweight, frumpy magazine editor who is constantly overlooked by her co-workers. Wanting to be appreciated, she makes up an alter-ego. "Belinda Apple", a slim, glam advice columnist who encourages women to recognise their undiscovered beauty. In other words, she was living a lie. Now let's face it, we've all told little white lies but who are we damaging? Nobody but ourselves. Our insecurities are stopping us from reaching our full potential.
We spend a lot of time over analysing ourselves, looking for things to change. How many times have you said "I wish my thighs were slimmer" "oh I want a flatter stomach" or "I hate my nose"? The list goes on because we've all been there and done that. We need to appreciate the things we do like about ourselves rather than looking for the faults within. 
It’s a shame to think that the majority of us underestimate the impact our appearance has on others. It appears that we so are so focused on our flaws when we should be loving them instead. Imperfection is beauty, isn't it?
But who's to blame for our distorted self perception? The way that we see ourselves is the way that we present ourselves. WE are to blame. The mind is a powerful tool that affects the way we think, act and react.
When did society become so vain? Why are we given the impression that if we don't look a certain way then we are not "perfect"? We shouldn't have to conform to an ideal standard of beauty that doesn't even exist. Living in a media crazed world, surrounded by stick thin celebs doesn't help either. We live in an era where we are so obsessed with the way we look. Yes, there's no denying that beauty has a high value in society and influences many aspects in our lives but we live in a shallow world where we dwell upon the way we look too much, too often. It's not surprising that the majority of images we see are a result of clever lighting and digital manipulation, leading us to aspire to look so unrealistic.
Okay so I have a confession. I'm being a hypocrite. I feel like "Belinda Apple". I am my own worst enemy. I look in the mirror to see a grotesque monster staring back at me. I find 1001 faults within myself and I admit that I'm not happy with the way I look. For as long as I can remember I've always struggled to look past all my imperfections. I've always wanted to be the "perfect size 8 wearing girl with no flaws". The slimmest I've been is a size 10 BUT living with an autoimmune disease means my weight fluctuates a lot and by a lot I mean I could go up 3 whole dress sizes in the space of 2 weeks! With such rapid weight gain comes the awful scars....stretch marks! A girls worst nightmare! But my scars remind me of where I've been and what I've been through. The non existence of my confidence has stopped me from doing a whole lot of things in life but only I can change that. A negative mind leads to negative thoughts leading to a negative outlook on life. 
So how can we overcome the harsh perception we have of ourselves? Acceptance. Positivity. Confidence
We must first accept the person looking back at us in the mirror. When's the last time you said "I am beautiful"? Do it now. Love yourself for who you are because there is only ONE you. Accept your imperfections as it's what makes you different. Or should I say, look beyond your imperfections and learn to accept the uniqueness of your beauty. Accepting imperfections takes up less energy than chasing perfection. As the saying goes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Think positive thoughts and leave the negativity behind. Stop bringing yourself down and begin to build yourself up. Take the time out to think about all the things you are thankful for. By doing this, we won't have time to think about all the things we want to change. Be grateful you're still breathing. 
Confidence is key. Your perception of yourself determines your fortitude. Be certain in your abilities and believe in yourself in order to be the person that you aspire to be. Think about something you really want in life and ask yourself why you are yet to achieve it. Does the word "doubt" spring to mind? Now wouldn't it be easier to remove that self-doubt and replace it with self-confidence. Be willing to take a risk or that extra mile in order to achieve better things. You're probably wondering "...but how can I be confident? Stand tall. Be decisive in your thoughts. Love yourself. Do not fear failure. Be open to new ideas. TRUST AND BELIEVE. Don’t change what you are, just learn to be more confident in who you are.
Don't let your self-perception hold you back in life. People will always try to put you in a box but don't put yourself in one. We are our own limitation. Love yourself and stop lying to be perfect



  1. Thank you, this is such a beautifully written article. I agree, women tend to under appreciate themselves and focus on their imperfections instead. I have to admit, I also have self-denigrating issues before and I compare myself to other women who are thinner than me. However, I've come to realize that it is useless and destructive that's why I came up with ways to empower myself. :)