The W O R S T month ever.

As I type this sentence, I'm currently laying here in a hospital bed for the 3rd time this month. Is this really happening? I'm literally having the worst month ever. I've spent more time at The Royal Free hospital rather than I have at home! 

• August 25th - Admitted

• September 6th - Discharged

• September 11th - Admitted 

• September 18th - Discharged 

• September 23rd - ADMITTED AGAIN

What was meant to have been a simple hospital appointment on Monday 23rd September 2013 turned into yet another admission. I've never felt so unlucky in my life. Spending my fourth week in hospital, going insane and not even recognising myself anymore, it's the worst thing ever. My body has swelled up so badly and I have currently put on 4 STONE in the space of 2 WEEKS Doctors say its severe fluid retention which I didn't even know was possible! This rapid weight gain has left me sore and struggling to even walk let alone move. And not to mention, my skin has stretched so much that I've been left with an awful load of stretch marks that itch like crazy! (A girls worst nightmare!)

Weight Diary

• August 26th - 63kg

• September 14th - 73.1kg

• September 23rd - 84kg

• September 26th - 83.2kg 

• September 27th - 81.2kg 

I guess I'll never know why this is happening to me but God really is testing me. 

Thank you Lupus for ruining my life, invading my body and stealing my vision of myself. 

xoxo 

I hate you Prednisolone.

So I've never been the slimmest girl in the world but this summer I was finally content with my weight. A healthy size 10, slim thighs, trim stomach. I'd look at my reflection and think "Leah, is that really you?" 

I look at myself today and I don't even recognise myself. Thank you prednisolone for ruining my confidence, my shape, my beauty and my life. I went from being 63 kg (9.9 stone) in August to an awful 75kg (11.8 stone). In the space of 2 bloody weeks! 

Was it fat? Surely not, is it even possible for someone to put on that much weight within a short amount of time? Plus, I was eating less than usual considering prednisolone is meant to increase your appetite. The doctors reassured me that it was water weight, which gave me a glimmer of hope that I'll return to my slim self in due time. But how can one gain 2 stone in water weight? I hate you fluid retention. 

I've had SIX Methyl-prednisolone infusions and on top of that I'm currently taking 60 mg pred a day. As the weeks pass, the dose will be lowered which will hopefully make me lose the water weight.

So yes, prednisolone may be one of the most effective steroid drugs BUT the side effects are just dreadful. Weight gain is just one of many that I have to put up with. I'm experiencing the "moon face", the blurred vision (despite already being blind as a bat), the hair loss, the anxiety, the depression and I'm even having trouble thinking! 

It's funny how your life can change within a split second. But what can I do than to accept the change. I guess it's time to embrace the fatness! 

xoxo